Crookshanks Granger

If I could invent a holiday?

Mon, 31 May 2004 20:35:52 GMT

Well, this is just too easy. There would be a Feline Appreciation Day, of course. Humans would spend the day adoring all forms of feline-kind, and we felines would bask in the well-deserved attention.

There could be activities for the humans so that they could appreciate how much work we do for them. They could have mouse-hunts, purrathons, and grooming competitions. None of them could possibly do as well as an actual cat, but they could try.

Cats, of course, would take the day off to have a lie-in. It would be nice to relax once in a while.

I think I’ll make an appointment with the Minister for Magic as soon as possible to discuss scheduling for this holiday. I’m thinking sometime in the month of O-cat-ober.

What is your favorite guilty indulgence?

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 01:07:32 GMT

I know felines are supposed to be cool and aloof and dignified, but I love to be petted. There is nothing like having an obedient human to scratch you behind the ears and under the chin. I even like to have my tummy rubbed sometimes, but don’t tell Mrs. Norris, please. It isn’t good for my image. I can’t help but purr when I’m scratched in the right spots.

Of course, some people are better than others at pleasing a cat. My human girl, Hermione, is pretty good at it. When I can get her to focus on me instead of her schoolbooks, at least. Those boys aren’t too bad, but they don’t really pay attention to what they’re doing. I can’t count the number of times I was just getting relaxed and they stood up and dumped me on the floor. I do not appreciate that sort of treatment.

My favorite human for petting was Padfoot. The humans called him Sirius, but I always used his canine name. He was great at petting and scratching because he had first hand knowledge of what it’s like to be receiving the attention. It’s a myth that cats and dogs don’t get along: Padfoot was my best friend. I miss him.

How did I lose my virginity?

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 02:39:04 GMT

I was just a young tom, barely old enough to be out on my own, when I first saw her. She was the most beautiful calico cat I could ever hope to see. I know she wanted me, too, I could tell by the way she looked at me from her window.

Yes, she was an inside cat. So sheltered and so pretty. I would stand on the fence outside her house and yowl love songs to her until her human would turn the garden hose on me. I seemed that our love was doomed.

But I never gave up hope. I returned night after night, and tried to convince her to come outside. One night, she began yowling back at me. In my opinion, there is nothing more beautiful than a lady in heat.

It took her several days and several attempts, but she finally broke away from her captors. A gentleman doesn’t share details, but I will say this: there is a lot to be said for animal instinct.

Once we’d got to know each other, it turned out that we really didn’t have a lot in common. She went back to her home, and I moved on. I still think of her fondly, even though there have been others since her.

A few years ago, I was in that part of town and took a stroll by her house. There was a new cat in her window; a fluffy ginger one that looked vaguely familiar even though I knew I’d never seen him before. Good looking chap.

Topic Two: New Year's Resolutions

Fri, 26 Dec 2003 23:10:00 GMT

New Year’s resolution? Cool idea, I’ve never done this before, being a cat and all. Let’s see, what would I like to achieve in the coming year?

1) Take more time for myself. This includes spending more time lying in patches of sunshine and being scratched under the chin by willing humans. There are a lot of intense and scary things going on in the world lately, and it never hurts to take pleasure in the small, simple things in life.
2) Pay closer attention to my human. She keeps getting herself into horrible, dangerous scrapes without me there to protect her.
3) Spend more time with Mrs. Norris. I think I have a lot to learn from a mature lady cat like her. Besides, she has a nice purr and her human is very free with the cream.

I can’t really think of anything else that I want to promise myself to do. As a cat, I reserve the right to change my mind about anything, anyway. Maybe I should just resolve to be the best cat I can be. And to catch more mice. I do like a fresh dinner. In fact, I think I’ll start on that one right now. I wonder if Mrs. Norris has eaten yet?

Week One

Tue, 23 Dec 2003 00:40:51 GMT

I knew as soon as I saw her that she needed me. Clever young witch like that obviously requires a superior familiar such as myself. I also knew that there was something fishy about that rat the redheaded boy had brought into the Magical Menagerie; I just didn’t know right away what a huge amount of trouble he was going to cause. But that really has no bearing on the question here, does it?

“A predetermined role in society?” I usually leave that sort of existential angst for the humans to ponder, but since you asked: No, I do not. A cat makes himself. The witch who runs the Magical Menagerie told my human that I had been there for a while because no one wanted me. That isn’t true at all; there was no one that I wanted. Until Hermione came in. She appreciated me right from the first, and I knew we’d be very good friends. It’s only luck that brought us together. Humans might have destiny, but we cats rely on our own cunning, and occasionally, good fortune.

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 16:00:57 GMT

I had a nice chat with Mrs. Norris yesterday. I think she likes me! My human doesn't like her human much (He's rather grouchy with the students, but who can blame him. They make me a little grumpy sometimes, too.), so that might be a problem. But I only asked her to catch a mouse with me sometime. She's a little bit older than I am, but she's very nice.

Introduction

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 02:18:15 GMT

Hello. I'm Crookshanks. Seems someone started a community where I can finally air my views on the world. I have a lot to say, and it will be wonderful to finally be able to say it. Look out, world! Crookshanks Granger now has a voice.